Cradle has been a long time coming to my Automata series but here it is. I’ve been slow working due to other commitments and I have had a long and frustrating experience because of this.
This Cradle holds the multiple heads and multiple hands that I often use in order to try to make sense of the confusing world I live in. I find it very difficult to split my mind between tasks and I find it even more challenging when I’m under stress. Sometimes this stress comes from situations where I’ve planned something out and someone else brings in changes which force me to think on my feet. Here I have to fight to not let my brain cave in and for my thoughts to keep flowing. It’s like someone has pulled the rug from under my brain and a fog descends inside my frontal lobe.
Some people mistake what they see when my ‘brain attacks’ happen as me being a control freak and needing to take control away from others. This is so far from the truth that it’s laughable. I’m happy to go with the flow and for others to be in control. I really don’t mind at all. It’s just that when I’ve been assigned a task to do, and I’m set to do it, that my brain hates to be derailed. It refuses to adapt and I have an internal struggle with it to force it to be accommodating and allow a direction to change. The train wreck in my brain is a horrible thing when it happens. It often leaves observers bewildered as to why they can see such frustration on my face when something minor and totally rectifiable becomes inconsolable in my head. I start to become more clumsy, more forgetful than normal, and I start to become averse to conflicting sounds
The contents of my skull is totally floored but the way in which other people depend on me means I have to wait for a more appropriate time to let my brain recover and give myself the space I need to relax. I can sneak off to the loo for a moment’s respite but the best cure is half a day of staring out of the window in order to let my brain untangle itself and take stock of where I’m at. This meditative procedure is important so that I can alleviate the ridiculous stress that my brain has inflicted upon me and give it the space it needs to get righted again and ready for business.
I suppose all the pieces in the Automata series could be used to represent how my brain seems to work at odds with my body. Cradle is missing the body though and deals just with the head and the hands; the thinking and doing parts of what makes me.
A short video showing how this Automata was filmed this afternoon and I’m hoping to share it with you soon. Meanwhile you can see others from this series over on my YouTube channel here.