Every now and then everybody loses their mojo. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a creative or not, the thing that drives you and makes you feel good about yourself waxes and wanes like the moon. Work gets in the way. Stuff happens. The pace of life changes and suddenly you’re not where you feel you should be and situations seem to be taking you away from the things that used to be important. Stress happens. Excuses and reasons. Happiness continues but not as fully as it could be.
I’ve been trying to get my mojo back with Cadillac for a few months now. I’ve been doing a little here and there but never really achieving anything. I’m concerned that this might be the last in the Structured Chaos series because I can’t see a way of it continuing beyond this artwork. As a consequence this means I’m dragging my feet because I’m scared that there will be nothing to follow it. I’ve written about this type of malaise before over the last five years – many, many, times. I know it is part of the natural rhythm of things, I know there will be artworks after this, and I know I just need to take some time to decide on what direction this might be.
Meanwhile I also have other obligations which see me moving away from the studio space and into the outdoors. My Bringing Gower Home project is blossoming and there are loads of opportunities I want to create for future groups who will be doing their photography workshops with me. As part of this preparation I’m scouting Gower locations to assess their suitability for different client demographics. It’s a tricky job because I need to consider risk assessments and disability suitability, as well as simple things like toilets, refreshments, and potential classroom facilities. I try not to enjoy myself, really I do, but this kind of work away from the studio is sometimes just too much fun.
But fun is perhaps exactly what I need in terms of attempting to get my mojo back. If I am here, now, and these events are happening then there is no point trying to rewind the clock and move my mojo back to where it was. Is it such a bad thing to be doing so much away from the studio? If I don’t relax and destress then I’ll be forcing myself into situations that will only make me feel like I’m pushing my mojo away rather than winning it back.
At the start of the year I promised myself that the Structured Chaos artworks would form a complete collection and be ready for a gallery show somewhere mid 2016. It has developed into a collaborative project with Ben Honebone, and it has happily morphed and evolved from there. This underlying assumption in my soul that I will meet my original target date has always been there regardless of how else the project has changed. Nothing is booked and nothing is set in stone so surely if we both agree to pause this project then who is to stop us? Why does my original time-frame for Structured Chaos have to be there? Why was it ever there in the first place? I am not failing if I choose to abandon this original promise to myself, I am just achieving in a different way and at a different pace. I should not be so hard on myself.
Maybe a hiatus from Structured Chaos is what is needed to revive my mojo. If there are other projects that we choose to do together then let’s do those instead. Maybe more days like this out on the Gower are exactly what I need. I’ll pause, I’ll relax, and I’ll look carefully before I leap into the next episode.