Perpetual Waking

After 9 nights of terrible sleep I’ve found myself living in some sort of constant waking state. When I find sleep it is fragmented and filled with distorted dreams. For the other 21 hours per day I’m barely awake. I’ve gone through breaking point and have found myself adjusting. My internal gyroscope doesn’t seem to be working and I feel as weak as a kitten but I’m able to carry on with whatever tasks are demanded of me. Due to my body clock being in a mess I have no appetite and my memory is awful. The headache is constant but has been there so long that I barely even notice it.

I am functioning.

I have survived the worst… or if I haven’t then I have learned to adapt to this sleep deprivation.  The little itch in my brain which drives me onwards with so many art projects is working hard to bring me through this. I’ve almost forgotten that it was this little itch that caused the surge in adrenaline and messed up my sleep patterns more than a week ago.

I have to believe this situation is temporary to retain my sanity. The sleep will become longer and will become better quality, I will learn to let go and trust sleep more, and I will forgive myself for allowing my brain to get into this mess.

I will continue to make my art and teach my classes to try and regain and retain some sort of rhythm. Speaking of which, here’s a snippet from an amazing little workshop I ran today. We were discovering the little backstreets around us and agreeing that beauty can be found on the doorstep of where we live. Even on a cloudy day in October and in a state of perpetual waking the world is a wonderful place.

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